My Journey Continues

I've noticed something recently.  I was remembering a back-packing trip I took ages ago, alone, into the high country near Estes Park, Colorado.  I remember the sense of awe and majesty I had with every change of the trail.  I remember also that I felt far more alone than I had expected to.  By that I mean, I was SEEKING solitude.  I wanted to be alone.  I thought it would a good experience.  Instead, I found that being alone in this situation meant not having anyone to share the awesome beauty with.  In fact, that loneliness caused me to do something I really regretted in later years.  I turned back.  I didn't finish my goal.  I allowed myself to listen to my own doubts and fears.  I wish I had.

 

But at one point on the trail, I encountered a couple of men, a man and his son, actually.  We were at a particularly rough part of the trail, and we helped each other up and over that spot.  Not much to it, really.  But remembering that, caused me to remember something from other hikes I've been on.  I remembered how when the trail was rough, and not easy to get over, folks, total strangers, tend to pull together.  At least I think that has been my experience when the overall endeavor was one of choice, as most hiking trails are.

 

I was thinking about that as I was pushing 70 on the interstate between my home and the office this morning (yes, in a 60 zone, so sue me.)  On the freeway, these days, it seems to be rare to see folks helping each other.  A turn signal frequently means someone will speed up to prevent  you from getting in front of them.  Breaking because one is going to fast means the person behind will pull up on your bumper expecting you to move.  In short, Interstate driving, as experienced in our society today, is pretty much every person for themselves... dog eat dog... that kind of thing.

 

And THAT realization, coupled with the memories - oh so pleasant memories - brought to mind another contemplation.  Albeit, a short one.  It's all the focus my brain can muster... short contemplations.

 

When the trails we walk on our journeys through life are hard and narrow, it seems to me to be easy to reach out to those around to lend a helping hand, and to be willing to grasp the proffered hand of another.

 

But when our journeys flatten out on to the freeways of life, as they often do, we tend to think a little less of those around us... it's just us and the highway, getting us to a place we've never been, but can't wait to reach.

 

When I consider that, it makes me glad the interstate is about to end, and I look forward, once again, to the travails of the thorny path on which my journey soon will... okay MAY... lead me.

 

And what's more, it's on those narrow, thorny paths that OTHER finds us most open to listen, more willing to reach out for help; more willing to accept.

Busy, busy, busy

It sure has been a long time since last I wrote. I'm not sure why that is. I think partially it's because I really haven't felt like I had anything worthwhile to say.

I'd like nothing more than to be a writer. I think, however, that writing is a gift; and I suspect that my lack of having much to say is a rather brazen indication that I don't have that gift. When I want to, I think I can write well. But there's a difference between writing something well, and having what it takes to "be a writer."

So I'm not a writer. It won't stop me from writing on my blog when the mood hits.

The past months have been nuts. First of all there’s my job. The big problem from the perspective of spending time writing posts for my blog, when it comes to my job, is that, well, I have one. When I first started posting to this blog back 2004, I had lots of spare time at work. Sometimes, I still do; generally, however, every week gets more and more busy. There’s not a lot to say other than that. Lots of work, less idle time, less blogging.

Add to that the stress that comes from knowing that all this work I do is, eventually going to come to an end. It’s been 11 months since our merger, and I was told then that they’d only be keeping me around for 12 – 18 months. I sort of expect a pink slip any day. That wears at the soul, dragging me down. To make matters worse, I still don’t know what I want to do with myself after I leave. I think to some degree I suffer from a bit of depression.

Then there’s my family. They take a lot of time. Especially my folks. Both of them have Alzheimer’s (I think I’ve written about that before.) Mom is getting pretty close to the end of her life. By that I mean that the prognosis is that she’ll last anywhere from a week to another 3 – 4 years. But mentally, she’s already gone.

Dad, too, is now becoming more pronounced. I’ve had to take over his finances.

If it weren’t for Scott, I suspect I’d feel pretty sorry for myself sometimes, even though I do have my health, with no concerns (other than diabetes, which I keep mostly under control.) But Scott is my surety in troubled times. He’s the bastion of strength I sometimes don’t feel for myself. Scott is the rock of stability, emotional and spiritual, that I cling to when everything seems to crash in upon me, and I feel in danger of washing away into a sea of grief or despair. Scott is, in short, my everything, the stuff which makes me who I am. Without that man, my life would be empty, a shell. Yes, I love him.

And what little time is left after spending my hours at work and hours with my parents is consumed by my commitment to my church. There are times I just want to chuck it all and leave. But after Scott, my friends at church are the next most important thing in my life. Soon, the load there is going to diminish… maybe. We get a new pastor, after floating aimlessly for 2 years without one. Okay, not so aimless. We’ve done pretty well for ourselves, actually. But it still will be a good thing to have ‘someone at the helm’ again!

And when that comes, maybe Scott and I will have time for ourselves again; time to forge an even surer tie between us. And time to work on our house, work that has gone largely undone in the past year because of all the other activities we’ve taken on!

Violence

I have discovered what violence does to one. Specifically, I have discovered first hand the effect that an assault with a deadly weapon has on the victim.

I don't know if my assailant thinks what he did was assault. I wonder if he realizes how incredibly stupid he was, and how terribly lucky he is? Or maybe he just doesn't care that his act of stupidity could have caused serious injury to myself... and to others?

Sir, I must tell you, I've actually referred to you as "the gentleman" in talks with the police and the insurance company. You certainly are no gentleman. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you had just left the casinos and were angry because you had lost your entire life's savings. Perhaps you were running late for work and your oh so important job wouldn't understand you're being maybe a minute or two later than you were going to be. Either way, you're an idiot and I hope you get caught.

I have no idea what your problem was, obviously. I'm probably wrong on all counts. But intentionally ramming me on the interstate yesterday morning has really had a negative impact. I was speeding, sir, doing 10 miles over the speed limit, yet obviously not fast enough for you. Your efforts to get me to pull over failing, you just rammed me. Yes, my car is damaged. It's not much really. You have some too, as a result... Oh, did I mention, I got your license plate number? The police have it too, now.

Do you want to know what the cost of your stupidity was? NO? That doesn't surprise me. I'm really sure you DON'T care. I'll tell you anyhow.

It's cost me a new bumper. It cost me a trip to the doctor, I now have whiplash. Fortunately, it's not severe. But sir, your actions have gone far deeper than a dented bumper, or sore muscles. Your actions bruised me profoundly. I have no clue why. But your attack on me, your assaulting me with your automobile in a way that you MUST have known could have caused extreme damage, even death, has shaken me to my bones. What if I'd lost control? What if you'd NOT been dead on center when you hit, but instead hit off to one side or the other, causing my van to veer, perhaps flip? That happens with minivans, you know? By the way, I've just got to ask... what WAS so important that you'd intentionally cause damage to your own late model SUV? It really was a nice looking vehicle. I'm sure it doesn't look so good now.

I get misty eyed over nothing. I can't concentrate, now; I find myself sinking into a near trancelike state while talking with friends. I can't focus on work, so you've cost my employer two days of productive work.

Sir, I just gotta say this. You suck. You suck! You are such a god damn worthless pile of shit occupying human skin. So, piss off. I hope I'm right, I hope you were angry because you just lost your entire life's savings.

The "L" Word

Okay, so I read one of my daily blogs last night. Guy was talkin' about a meme that he'd gotten involved in. Basically it works like this... you make a comment on the guy's blog, and he then assigns you a letter. You're supposed to come up with 10 words that begin with that letter, along with an explanation of what the word means to you and why. Then you pass along letters to those who want to play along. So, I responded. It sounded FUN!

You see, while the person whose blog I got this from is a REAL writer, I do enjoy writing, feel myself no stranger to it. Realize I'm nowhere good enough to ever dream of publishing. But 10 words? Should be easy, right? He assigns me the letter L.

L words
10 of them
together with their meanings to me and why they came to mind.
Ugh.

I've been thinking about this all day long, and I'll be dang-nabbed if all of a sudden there is a dirth of L words. Not one comes to mind for a long time... okay, 1 does, but I think, NOOOOO... that's too obvious. Can't go with that word... Lesbian... I mean why? Okay, so, I finally decide to go with it, just to get the ball rolling, ya know? This ain't easy, man!

1. Lesbian: Uh, what does it mean to me? Why? Uh, that should be obvious... Lesbian. a woman who is attracted to other women, and not, generally, to men. I mean, I'm queer, folks! I see references to GLBT every damn day, so what is going to be the first... okay 2nd word that comes to mind? Lesbian. Like, DUH! (BTW, the 1st word is a name, and I'll protect that person from this!)

So I think to myself, okay that worked well, I've identified the 2nd word that comes to mind, now what.... Hmmm. Let's see. I woke at 5... as I go through my day, what L words come unbidden to me, BEFORE I got this assignment?

2. Leak. Yup, actually the 1st L word today. Actually, it was the 4th word to come to my mind today. It was preceded by "Gotta tak a". I find I usually only need to take one leak a day, so that's a good word for this list. the rest of the day, I'm consumed with "Going to the potty." "Needing to Pee." and "Takin' a piss". But first thing in the morning, I take the one and only leak I'm going to take all day.

3. Lecherous. okay, I'm using it as a euphemism or rather a synonym for "horny". This is an L list, after all, not an H list. Lecherous... my partner comes out of the bedroom about 20 minutes after I awake... once the coffee's made. I see his hot bod, and I'm immediately feeling h.... uh, I mean lecherous.

4. Limber. As in Not. As in it's time to jump on the treadmill while aforementioned partner showers... my legs are stiff. I'm so friggin sore. My knee locks up almost immediately... fuckin' arthritis. I need to str... no, I need to LIMBER UP! -- or-- conversely, perhaps that's not the reason this word makes the list... Limber... as in dang, if I were just a little more limber, partner and I could do it THIS way... that would be a blast! I mean....

5. Luscious: I'd love to be limber enough to bend like this so that I could take partner's luscious.... ahem, uh, you get the idea.

6. Lousy: I've had my shower, but I'm still feeling lousy... I'd have much rather not had to use my hands this morning.... just thinking of that luscious....

7. Late: Yeah, Late makes the list... I spent so much time in the shower this morning thinking those lecherous thoughts, letting the hot water try to sooth out some of the kinks in my neck, and pleasuring that now I'm friggin' late!

8. Lazy: I've sat at this desk now for a couple of hours, and frankly, I'm feeling lazy. I think it's time to nap... nope, can't do that. Closing my eyes makes me think lecherous thoughts about my limber, luscious partner, and frankly, that makes me feel lousy... 'cause ain't nothin' I can do about it! (I'm at work, remember?)

Okay, this is getting hard now. The contest fool, pay attention! The contest... or meme, rather, is getting very difficult... I need 2 more L words. And preferably words that will not require I take a protracted break in the men's room.... Having a dictonary would certainly help right about now!

Did you know a web search for "L" will pull up 1,010,000,000 links? I don't think I'll visit them all. Might take a little longer than I have today. 2 more Ls... think eric, THINK!

Okay... just got back from the restroom... gotta come up with 2 more words.

9. Loser. There's a good word... now, I'll admit, it's not the first word that came to mind, but it's the second... asshole doesn't begin with an L... and those are the two words that automatically ALWAYS pop into mind when I see any headline with the word BUSH in it. Oh, wait. This headline has to do with something found in a bush at a park... well, whoever put that there was a loser, so it fits!

Uh, get your mind out of the gutter folks! I went to the restroom to take a piss, not... anything else.

And you can't prove otherwise.

10. Living. Ah, now that's a great L word! Living... as in "It's great to be..." Ain't life grand? There's so much to see, so much to do... and as a friend points out, it's better than the alternative!

Sexual Morality?

May 11, 2006
Weather: Mostly sunny, 50 degrees.

Dear Diary:

Okay. I was SUPPOSED to start a diary, and be more dedicated to it. So, bad, BAD Eric.

And I don't have much else to write today, either. Last night went to hear a speaker here in Omaha. We have a couple that underwrite a speaker series, bringing people from around the world to speak about ethics, morality, etc. It's called the Holland Lecture Series.

Anyhow, last night's speaker was Rev. Haffner, who spoke on the topic of "sexual morality, justice, and healing". It was an excellent talk, and was amazingly in line with my own thoughts on the connection between sexuality and spirituality.

We (a group from my congregation) and I went with a purpose, hoping to hear something about a topic she wrote about, but she didn't touch that topic... so from that perspective, it was a bust. But what she DID speak about, had two effects on me. First, I really felt an immediate connection with what she was saying and an agreement with her observations. The second one was a bit slower in coming, as she caused me to really stretch my current positions on some issues of sexual morality... helping me to look at some issues in a bit of a different light.

Anyhow, all's good here.

Ciao!

And another thing

Rather than edit my previous post to add this, I'll just create this as an addendum.

Ahem. Now, let's see how we do this:

May 8, 2006
Weather: Mostly sunny, 76 degrees.

Dear Diary:

This morning I had to get up and FOREGO my morning coffee. No, that's wrong... I had to forego my morning Coffee. That's Coffee with a Capital C. I also had to forego my cereal, my milk, and any water.

But, oh the joy! In their place I got to feast on Milk of Barium! BLLeeaaaaacccckkkkkkkkkk!

So, the doctor thinks this pain (which I had assumed was an injury from lifting some marble) may be Diverticulitis. Now, I have to confess I never knew I HAD a divertick but, hey, he says I do... or at least he implied I had one by saying it was infected.

Anyhow, now we'll see how that goes.

On another front, I'm wondering what's up... I've been a total BITCH lately! I mean, I think I've related in the past that I have an issue with rage. Rage and I are on a first name basis. But this isn't rage, it isn't anger, it's just... bitchiness.

I've snapped at folks at work. Oh, and here I need to interject that I was wrong, it IS related to rage, because my bitchiness starts out as simple bitchiness, but graduates into full blown rage once I get behind the wheel.

But more importantly than the people at work I've been bitchy too (because after all, who gives a rat's @ss about them????) is I've been bitchy to the man I love. And that just plain sucks. As in totally, unequivocally, unabashedly SUCKS with a major ! at the end.

So, diary, tell me, you greatest of confidants... what the f@ is up?

Well, that's it, oh dear one... 'Til the morning.

E

Not too bad!

Okay, people liked my sermon yesterday! I was really quite pleased with it myself... except for the ending. The second I was done and walking away, I knew it was wrong... that it needed more.

In fact, I think that, in retrospect, when I ended the sermon was just starting! Ending with that quip about praying to God being like the Amazon flowing UP to water a little daisy... I knew what I meant. A few others did too... but they told me they were left wanting more.

So, it's a challenge. I need to hash this out. Because, and this is funny to me... I KNOW what I meant... but I don't know how to say it.

Getting case of the nerves!

Today, I'm preaching again. When I first said "Yes, sure, I'd be happy to preach" I was feeling very confident. Today, not so much.

I'm not sure why I get this way... I literally go through cycles where I can get up in front of church and do anything... and then become totally afraid to even get near the front. I'm obviously heading into the "bad times" again. It's one of the reasons I left the seminary... imagine a priest who was terrified of saying mass! LOL.

So, here's the sermon, just in case you're interested.

"The Amazon"

Did you know that the Amazon River is the world’s SECOND longest river, but at any one point in time it has the highest amount of water flowing down it. In fact, no other river in the world even comes close. Remember that.

I love spring-time. I like watching the trees, and seeing the bud's sprout on the branches. You know how it is? You look over at some trees and you wonder "Are those BUDS I see?" About the time that those tree buds become obvious, I start watching the poor little rose bushes that grow in my front yard... did they survive the winder? Did the poor little one on the end survive being run over by Gary the first time he mowed the lawn this spring? It's the prettiest, if the smallest of all our roses. It's dusty purple of a shade that I just really love. From the look of it this morning, if I had 2 more weeks before this sermon, I could have brought in one of it's flowers to show you.

About the same time that the trees are beginning to bud, and the roses are stirring into life, some tulips that we've never remembered to take up under our front windows pop out through the sod, and in just a few days they bloom... a beautiful blood red with yellow stamens. Once those are in flower, it's time for the funny blue flowers by the front stoop to show up. Bottle nose something or others!

For the most part, the phlox didn’t make it through winter this year… though a few still valiantly bloom. Next to them, are some wild violets that we didn’t plant… they just found their way to our yard.

All the annuals in the flower beds in the front are gone, naturally... just ugly shoots that need to be taken out.

About this time every year we look at our garden, and Scott says “It’s time to plant.”

“Yup”, I say. And then Scott goes off, buys some flats of annuals, brings them home, and we prep the front beds, and Scott plants.

Scott can verify that I am NOT a gardener. If we’re going to have a garden, it’s Scott that’s going to have to put it in… then, once it’s in, I’ll water the flowers, and I’ll admire their beauty once they’re in bloom. But the credit for our gardens, such as they are, falls to Scott.

Today is known to many as “Good Shepherd Sunday”. The Psalm and the Gospel are shepherd stories. And the NT Reading fits in with them fairly well. “I am the good Shepherd” is one of the better known sayings of Jesus. He used that symbolism, because the people of his time… even the city folk of Jerusalem… would have understood that symbolism. Israel, in Jesus time, was still very much an agrarian, shepherding society.

I suspect that the larger majority of us in this room only know about shepherding by reading about them or hearing about them in church from people like me, who went out and read about them from someone else who wrote stories about shepherding in order to clarify the “Shepherd” stories of the bible. And those writers… well, most of them have very little first-hand knowledge of sheep or shepherding!

What would Jesus use today for his metaphors? I honestly don’t know. But I do know that, even if many of us will never see a sheep except at the petting zoo at Henry Doorly, or encounter shepherds, except perhaps while watching Brokeback Mountain, most of will see flowers this spring. Most of us will admire their beauty. Most of us know that flowers need watering.

Some of us will even know that the prettiest gardens are maintained by gardeners who plant new flowers when old ones die, pull the weeds out to keep the flowers from being strangled. We’ll know that these gardeners will make sure the plants have food, either by mixing fertilizers in with the soils before planting the flowers, or by mixing them in the water they use to nourish the plants.

A few of us may know that some really, really pretty flowers like roses get that way because the gardener carefully prunes the flowers, directing the growth and the resources of the plant in specific ways to ensure that a few promising buds get the most nutrition and grow strong, rather than numerous buds getting little nutrition and thus being weak.

All of this is foreign to me. I just know that no matter how much work Scott puts in to our garden, those plants will die and produce NOTHING, unless one of us waters those plants.

I know this about how gardens and today’s message interrelate. I know there are flowers in the world. Those flowers are you and you and me. I know there is a Gardener; I know that Gardener is our Parent, God. And, I know that just as human gardeners pour water on their flowers, so God pours his love on each of us.

I know this too. If a human gardener decides to water his daisies, then gets called away, leaving the water to run and run and run, the daisies will get too much water, and they’ll drown!

But when God waters us with his love, it’s like the whole of the Amazon River flowing down to water one little daisy.

Can you imagine that kind of love? Have you ever encountered it before? A love so overwhelming, so intense, that when you’re caught up in it you feel like you’re going to drown, to suffocate… and it’s a GOOD feeling?

There have been a few times in my life when I have experienced that kind of love. And when I do, it’s always because God is there. It feels just like that image of the daisy and the Amazon…

I think all of us can feel that love if we open ourselves up to the awesome splendor and wonder of God’s love for us.

God loved us so much that God became ONE of us. And, as the second reading this morning stated, that love was so intense that GOD DIED FOR US. FOR ME. FOR YOU. AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM.

Is that a secret to anyone in here? If it is, I am proud to spill the beans! GOD LOVES US, each and every one of us with a love as immense as all the waters of the Amazon flowing down to water one little daisy.

I don’t know how to say it any better than that.

But I do know what to add TO that.

You see, someone shared a message with me on Friday, about an old man who came into church, dressed in grungy clothes. The man came in every day and prayed a simple prayer that went something like this:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JESUS, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN... DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN, TODAY."

Then, one day, the old man came to church no more. The pastor went looking for him, and eventually found him in the hospital. He learned that the old man was alone, with no visitors. But, when he spoke of that to the old man, the old man told him he had it wrong. the old man had a visitor every day. That visitor would come in and sit at the foot of the old man’s bed… and he’d say:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JIM, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN... I ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY, I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. AND SO, JIM, THIS IS JESUS CHECKING IN, TODAY."

I read that message on Friday, and I realized something, and if you all remember nothing else from this poor sermon today, remember this:

When we pray… to God, it’s like all the water of the Amazon flowing up to water one little daisy.

How can ya say no?

How can I say no to a friend?

I've been tagged by my Fellow Traveller.

So, now to the matter at hand. 6 Random Things About Myself.

Uh.... Hmmmmm..... six, huh?

1. I'm happily married to the man of my dreams... whom I met in an AOL chat room while living 1100 miles away from him! We've been together 11 years (from our first date) as of next week.

2. I once (24 years ago) married one of those "other" types of people... I think they're called women. Ew. Actually, she was sweet, if a bit on the frigid side (I had to move to Antarctica to warm up!)

3. I come from a totally normal family; you know the type... the Cleavers? Though, I was nothing like Beaver. And my brothers weren't much like Wally, either. Now that I think about it, we weren't very much like them at all, except, well, we were pretty boring... unless you call a motorcycle gang brother who played in a rock band exciting.

(You know, this would be a lot easier if I wasn't trying to keep it to at least a PG rating. Sigh)

4. When I was 3, I tried to help Mom by going out to get the milk (back in the days when milk was still delivered to the door... in glass bottles.) I was in my underpants and barefoot. I dropped the milk and walked through the glass... you can guess the hours spent at the ER waiting to get the glass pulled out and stitches.

5. When I was 16, I played leapfrog with our cat... a game I'd played with Sam for years. He'd be asleep all snug and cuddly on the chair, and I'd run and jump on the chair just missing him then over the back of the chair. Scared the poor kitty half to death! Well, sometime between the last time I played this game, and this particular time, I must have grown another inch or two... cause I hit my head on the ceiling and cracked it nicely open! My hot neighbor boy who was spending the night with me (I think we called him Reiny... his name was Reinhold! And yes, he was at my house because I was trying to get into his pants... and had almost succeeded before I pulled THIS stunt. So there goes my PG rating.) ran next door and got the neighbors older brother (long story, there) who was up visiting from Mexico and was another HOT adorable Mexican and a doctor to boot... oh I swoon just thinking about those two hot, hot, hot young men leaning over me.... Anyhow, another ER visit, more stitches...

(Hmm... detouring from my PG rating was fun, maybe I should take it all the way to XXX? Okay!)

6. When I was 24, and not so happily married to that "other" type... I was at the mall, went into one of those clothing stores that sell primarily to young guys, and .... no, can't do this one... Definitely not PG.

6.1 One year, (I was about 26), I house sat for a cousin who owned a "farm" out in the country... okay wasn't much of a farm, was more of a horse ranch... only ranch isn't quite the word either... she bred Arabians. And she had this magnificent, glorious home she and her husband had built... and it was set into the side of the hill, so that you could walk around to the back and step up on to the roof. And did I mention it was out in the country? And that it was way secluded from people and the road??? So, there I was taking care of the house.... Did I mention that I'm not very good with "horse chores"? So anyhow, I was house sitting.... and it was a glorious late spring day, in the upper 80s... nice breeze; so I stripped off my clothes and just kinda hung... uh, yeah.. hung around the yard, and finally went around back and laid on the roof to get a good tan. Problem was, when you're on the roof of her house, you can't hear cars in the driveway... so there I was, lying on the roof getting my tan in my "altogetherness". And all of a sudden I hear a step on the roof. I open my eyes... and there's the 19 year old boy my cousin had hired to feed the horses.... He's looking at me... he's smiling... (Did I mention he was gorgeous? and that he had one thing in common with my cousin's stallion? and that he seldom wore a shirt?) the rest takes us beyond the PG... okay, I passed that a LONG way back... but to go further would even exceed R. Ahh... the memories....

Next?

Jer, how 'bout's I tag YOU back??? Came across this here:

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Ambition::
2. Meatloaf::
3. Celebrity::
4. Coach::
5. Slacker::
6. Reflection::
7. Original::
8. Risk::
9. Saved::
10. June::

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's" Your Power Color?

Animal Tales

It's been so long since I actively wrote here that I find it difficult to decide what to write about. In fact, I’m not sure but what that hasn’t been the problem for some time… writer’s block. If so, it’s sure a long streak of blockage! My tagline for this blog reads “…This is just a place for thoughts about... well, whatever I might think about. God, work, life, boredom. Dogs. Cats. Whatever.” And yet, to comprehend this block of mine is to almost say “I’m not having any thoughts.”

I have a dog. I have a cat. But what should I write about them? There’s not much to say. They’re not particularly into any interesting antics. Unless Pepsi (that’s the cat) suddenly becoming extremely affectionate of late counts. It doesn’t matter what I am doing. I might be eating dinner, or working on the laptop or reading the paper, even… he’ll just walk into the room spy me sitting there, and hop up in my lap, crawl up on to my chest, dig in his claws for dear life, and lay down. Then he’ll proceed to purr loudly, rubbing the top of his head against my cheek. Did I mention the claws? But his presence has an effect… soon, I drift off to sleep and we, uh, catnap together!

Then there’s Nikki. She is the dog. The apple of my eye, now that Travis is gone. She loves Scott. She adores me. When we come in at night from a hard day at work, she stands up on her hind paws as high as she can and peers at us until we open the gate and let her in to the living room with us. Then she dances around, still on her hind paws. She goes to Scott for a greeting, then glues herself to me… follows me into the den where I put down my coat… then into the bathroom where I take care of some of the coffee that’s pressing on my bladder… then back into the living room. I take her outside, she runs… does her business, then back to my side. The only thing that draws her away from me is the sound of Scott rattling plates in the kitchen. She has this doggy sense that tells her precisely when it is time to run into the kitchen to get her piece of raw meat. Then back to my side.

I sit down on the sofa while Scott cooks, and Nikki curls up in the seat next to me… as close as she can get. Sometimes, it’s not close enough and she rolls herself over into my lap. If I shift positions just wrong, lean a little forward, she flies off the sofa and looks back at me as if to say “Where’re we going, huh, dad?”

When dinner is served, she curls up and watches every move, knowing the plate will be hers to clean soon enough. And that’s her life… gluing herself to me, and when I’m unavailable, to Scott. Or, she’ll go over and lie next to Scott turning so she can keep her eyes on me… I swear, she sleeps with BOTH eyes open just to keep tabs on my every movement.

And that pretty much describes everything there is to say about DOGS and CATS. Ever. Or, at least until we get the next one of either. We used to have 3 dogs and 3 cats. Now we’re down to 2 of each, but 1 of each belongs to Gary and neither spend too much time with us… in fact both avoid us if they can… and that’s just fine by me!

Oh, and does anyone know a dachshund breeder here in the middle of the country? I promised my Scott I’d get him a pup soon… I think it’s time to honor that promise. And then, I suspect, there’ll be LOTS of dog stories for me to tell!

Long Past Due

Well, it's been a LONG time since I posted here last. It's been nearly 3 months, and they've been incredibly eventful... though from this post it may not seem to be. Busy, mostly.

After my trip to New Jersey, I was immersed in my work... far too immersed. My associate's ("Tom's") departure in mid-November tripled my work load, and much of these past months has been spent trying to figure out just what it was he did... not that he didn't do a lot, but he did so much, and left most of it undocumented.

We hired a consultant in December to assist me in the process of getting caught up to date with all the work, and to help me troubleshoot issues that arose with Tom's processes and databases.

At the same time, as the Christmas season progressed, I helped produce, direct and perform in a reader's theater presentation at church that took most of my spare time.

Then, during the first week of January, our company announced our future. We acquired or merged with a competitor this month, and some employees were not going to be continued in their positions as a result.

In the cheery words of my manager "there is no position for you in our end state." This means that I move from the database management team to the Integration Team for a period of 12 - 18 months, after which I will no longer have a job with my company... the company I've worked for these past 10 years. Que sera, I guess.

I was pretty devastated by that news... in spite of actually kind of hoping for it... the dream and the reality are often two different things, eh? It's taken most of January to return to some sort of equilibrium.

Of course, I don't have to stick around for a year. But they're dangling an awfully tasty carrot in front of me to keep me going, so unless something tremendous comes along, I'll stick it out.

But it's not all been hard work and stress... my honey and I have just returned from a 6 night cruise from Galveston, TX, to Cozumel, Belize City and Costa Maya. I kind of don't want to go back to work tomorrow!

We got back last Thursday night. The first news from our roommate was that the upstairs toilet had sprung a leak. Friday, when we pulled the stool out, we discovered the leak has apparently been ongoing for years, as the hardwood floor under it is mostly rotted away by the moisture. We replaced the wax ring, but that wasn't the problem... the problem is the gasket between the tank and the bowl, and naturally THAT has to be special ordered, so we'll be without a toilet for 2 weeks. That leaves 1 for 3 men. Ick.

Then, while we were out of the house on Friday, one of our roommate's "friends" entered my office and stole our digital camera. Thankfully I'd already downloaded all our cruise pictures.

And THEN, Saturday morning at 3:30 a.m. we got called by the church's security company. We got to the church to discover the place surrounded by cops, the fire dept, and a K9 unit. Seems a homeless guy broke through a window, then proceeded to cook himself up over 5 whole chickens over the open fire of the stove!

And that brings us up to date on my life as of today. I'm going to TRY to get back to writing more here. But, no promises!