What a Difference a day makes....

Sung to the tune, of course.... 24 little hours in a day.

I woke up a different person today than I was when I awoke yesterday. Okay, not really. But, yes, really. Okay, let's face it... I believe we ALL wake up each day different in some way than the day before.

First off, let me back up a little. Last Friday I had to be taken to the local ER after I developed symptoms of lightheadedness and dizziness, feelings of constriction of my chest, some minor pain in my left shoulder, and numbness in my 3 left fingers of my left hand. The company's EMT determined my BP was far too high for her comfort, and observed that I was beet red and that my ears "almost literally glowed". Oh, and I just didn't feel too well.

Well, the doctor at the ER didn't think too much of my "issues". He was pretty ho hum about it. By 4:15 I was released, with a "strongly recommended" admonishment to see my doctor.

So, yesterday I saw my doctor. I was expecting a little tsk, tsking and an increase in my medications once again. My oh my did my visit NOT live up to those expectations. First of all, he won't increase the meds. Instead he's insisting I see the electro-cardiology (like I've been thinking about doing) and has told me that I probably will have to have the ablation surgery. Okay, that didn't make my day... even though I HAVE somewhat expected it.

But that was only the first of his pronouncements. The more significant one caught me way off guard. I have been diagnosed with Diabetes. That makes me not too happy. (Can you see the German reserve in me?) Daily finger pricks. I like pricks, let's face it. But not THAT kind of prick. I'm trying to psych up for it with that old queeny stand bye: "Hurt me, oh yeah baby, HURT me!" But that's not really helping.

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What else? Hmmm.... Oh, on the subject of the Pope's passing and funeral. I've been reading about this "Spiritual Last Will & Testament". Got to thinking about it, and thought, Hmmm... Sounds like something I'd not mind doing. So I went out to the Internet and read a few samples.

Nope. Not going to subject you folks... or ME... to that. Ain't gonna happen.

But the Pope's passing has moved me. In death, and in the suffering he faced in the hours before death (I read a news item that interviewed his personal physician about those last hours that said in effect Yes, the pope had suffered greatly in those last hours... which is a whole 'nother topic I may or may not write about) he showed great grace and dignity, and was I feel, an example for all of us. His desire to bear that in solidarity with his Savior was inspirational to me. In spite of all his other flaws.

I read this morning after the funeral (no, I haven't watched it yet.... maybe later) a quote from a priest in Poland: "our Vatican umbrella has been taken down. We are now adults and must carry on with what we have learnt..." What an interesting statement... especially the last. "We are now adults and must carry on..."

That seems to be my primary problem with my RCC roots. The Vatican and more pointedly our bishops and archbishops see us just that way... as children. It's time for us to become adults, not to rely so heavily on some centralized teaching authority. We... okay I... need to come to grips with the simple fact of my own previous posts. My reality is that God is Divine Other, indwelling in my own spiritual cathedral, my soul. I may soil that soul, but nothing will drive that Divine Other from me. It is up to ME to find that Otherness, not for the dogmatists of some distant ecclesial body with parental hangups to direct me in how, when and where to search.

Just as in Scripture and in everything else for that matter, the church, be it Roman Catholicism or my own UFMCC, may provide material of great worth for my journey, but it is TRULY for me to sample that material and decide for myself.

The fact is, God IS within me, and hence knowledge of that Divinity also resides within. To find the ultimate destination I must, finally, look to the vessel of the journey itself.

The Pope provided for me what is perhaps one of the greatest services by his example... the good and the bad... in finding that Otherness. Pope John Paul Magnus... yes, I believe that... set his eyes and followed his Shepherd. He fell far more than his church will ever acknowledge, but all of us do. His brokenness and failure to embrace ALL God's Children hurt many of us to the quick... and beyond. He drove some of my fellows away from the Church, and worse, from the Divine Itself. And in that brokenness proved his own humanity. In living that brokenness and humanity, I think, is his final testament to his depth of spirituality and THAT is what I can glean from his time on Peter's Chair. As he set his sight on Jesus, and followed to the best of his limitations the way of Jesus, I think he can provide for many of us an example of how WE can follow Jesus.