This'll be relatively short. I think. But I just have to whine. I wanted to talk to a really good friend about this today, but she's just not in a place to hear me, to even listen. She asserts she understands, but I don't think she does... she doesn't because she hasn't let me say anything other than I'm in a whiny mood. So, you all get to hear me out.
About a week ago, our division underwent a little reorganization, and we ended up with a new Director, a man I think will be good to work with. Today we met with this gentleman. He wanted "to get to know you all". So we went around the room(s) (it was a teleconference, as our team is split up between Omaha, Baltimore and Secaucus) and introduced ourselves, including how long we've been with the company, what we do here, and whether or not we're married, have brats, hobbies, you get the idea...
And that's what's put me in a pissy mood.
I get so fucking tired of hearing about everyone's family, the adorable little munchkin snotty faced brats (no I don't really hate kids... except when I'm in this funky mood).
Man. Talk about rubbing ones sexuality in other peoples faces. Those damn straights. Oughta be a law against 'em.
That's all.
No it's not. Ya know, I just want to say, "And I'm married to the greatest guy in the whole world" when it comes to me in one of those things.
Wouldn't THAT be a hoot? I'd love to be able to watch everyone's face!
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The dilemma of the "social exercise" what do we tolerate and what is "tolerable?" You know this drill, I am sure you do. But are you really ready to talk about Home, husband, hobbies and such? or should the "straights" keep house and home outa the office.
ReplyDeleteWhy were you so pissed off, I ask this, because maybe you need to think about What it was that exactly "set you off" and maybe refelcting on that one thing, you may make peace with it, in a sense, learning something from it. you never know.
It's simple and stupid, but I know that in recovery, the addage goes....."If I have a particular problem with someone, that usually means I have a problem with me!" find the problem and learn from it.
a little hetero jealous?
internalized homophobia
fear of sharing?
i know that your hubby is the best. Mine is the best too. in his simplest form. what is it that bothers you the most, that you Can't be honest or that you choose not to be? or maybe you really should be, give your peers something to "really" talk about at the water cooler, but is that wise, in the long run?
Sometimes you gotta just realize that these little hetero exercises and not ALWAYS ABOUT YOU !!
but the ego says, but I want it to be about me. My pilgrim, to transcend the world around us, one must see that in Dao, its about the world around you at the simplest level we are all the same, man is the one that created those divisions and classifications. You are better than that.
to transcend.......to rise above.
Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do in this life, but you know in the year + i cared for peter's illness at those times I wanted it to be "all about me" i had to learn that the universe had other plans and needs. and it became "all about him." And i had to learn to adapt and accept, or fail and walk away.
I don't beleive in failure, only progress.
This is the journey! are you really committed to being the new man I know you wanna become. to yourself, your hubby, your friends and the mostly, the universe.
know you are loved.
Jer.