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Mom died. She died the day after my last post here. It's taken me this long to say it, though.

The first few weeks afterwards, I thought, would be the hardest. But there was so much to do; in the minutes and hours and days immediately following her dying, there was the visitation and funeral to plan, and oh, I don't even know what I did during those days... they're all a whirlwind now. And of course there was Dad to contend with. Poor Dad. He's totally lost without her. He put up a bold front those last months, but his own Alzheimers was beginning to have an impact.

There, in her room at the nursing home, waiting for the Coroner to come and take her away, I stood with Dad. Neither of us could sit... there was a nervous energy in us. Dad looked at me as I looked at mom. "Well, I suppose we better start getting me moved back to Omaha."

"We will Dad, but don't you think we should wait a little while, until things have calmed down."

"You're probably right."

The Coroner came, as did a police officer (purely procedural). Mom was taken away.

"I suppose we should start getting me packed up to move back to Omaha."

"Yeah, Dad, you're right. But let's get some of the other things we have to do taken care of first."

"What things?"

"There's the funeral to plan, Dad. And the boys and their wives are flying in..."

So we headed over to the Mortuary, as I called Dad's twin brother. He joined us at the Mortuary.

The director stepped out to get us coffee almost as soon as we sat down. Dad turned to Uncle.

"I think we need to get over to my apartment and get me packed. I need to move back to Omaha now."

"Why don't you come stay with me for a couple of days, Lou?"

Dad agreed.

But Monday, the day of the visitation, we'd all caved in... my brothers and I and our spouses met at Dad's apartment, packed him up, threw his stuff our vans and our cars, and moved Dad over to Omaha. Then dashed back to our homes and hotel rooms to get showered and changed so we could get to the mortuary for the visitation... it wouldn't do to be late!

Those weeks were the easy ones, I now see.

For now the depression sinks in. Now I face the darkness. It was settling in months before Mom died, I just didn't see it. I thought I was tired. It wasn't until two months after Mom's death that it dawned on me, that I was able to put my finger on it.

For too damned close to fifty years, I have known the presence of The Divine. There has never been a time when I didn't feel, didn't know The Divine presence. And that presence helped sustain me.

Well, actually, I should say until now, there has never been a time. Because, now is that time. Now, I sense only darkness around me.

Anyhow, that's where I am right now.

Let's play catch! (up)

My writing here is sketchy... I realize that. And I doubt that any of my readers, or the few there were, are with me any more to see this. But, I thought I should at least attempt to get caught up on my life here.

August 9, 2007, just as promised in my last post (March 20, 2007) Scott and I stood before a minister overlooking the beautiful Moraine Lake in Alberta, Canada, and professed, once again, our love for each other. We were pronounced "husbands" by Rev. David D. of Calgary, AB, Canada.

We returned from Canada excited and flush with joy on our wedding... only to discover we'd left the camera in the rental car. Thankfully, Rev. David was able to retrieve it for us, and has now sent it along to us, so we have our pictures!

When time permits, I'll post the pictures we have. And maybe even the text of our wedding ceremony. And, in fact, I'll post a bit more about the wedding trip itself.

For now, I just want to catch up on my life.

Unfortunately, also on our return, I had to make the decision that I've been dreading. We had to move Mom in to a nursing home. Dad also had to leave their home at the Assisted Living facility, as the nursing home is 20 miles awy, and I couldn't have Dad driving that far. It took us a week to make arrangements, a week to pack, and a third week to fully move everything out of their old apartment.

And now, it seems, a lot of that effort will have been wasted. Mom stopped eating after moving in to the Nursing home. And, as of the day before yesterday, is now taking no nutrition or hydration. It is only a matter of days before she dies, I'm sure. It is so hard to write that. Even though I know it.

So, THAT brings you all up on my life. There's really nothing to report, because the last year has been involved in seeing to the day to day needs of my parents, my job, and my family, and there's been no energy left for creativity.

Heavens knows this post certainly doesn't qualify as creative writing.

I take thee....

Some years ago, I wrote about marriage. I said basically, that while an official, recognized by the state marriage was important, married in the sight of God was the more important. In August 1997, my partner Scott and I had done just that, gotten married in the sight of God in a Holy Union.

Well, ten years have now gone by. Scott and I are more in love today than ever we were back in 1997.

And this year, come August 9, 2007, we will officially celebrate our 10th Anniversary by doing what I seemed to discount in that previous post. Scott and I will stand, once again, before God and our fellows, and declare to God that we want to continue for another 10... no 100... no forever... in marriage.

We're going to be going to Calgary Canada to be married in a beautiful setting that we discovered a couple of years ago, Moraine Lake.

And I just couldn't be happier!